Silver Linings, Silver Linings Everywhere!

The world might end tomorrow,

but at least you won’t have to worry about fixing that leaky faucet.

Somewhere in the world,

right now,

there’s a group of people

having more fun than you will ever have

in your life.

But they’re gonna die someday,

and so are you.

Everyone you know

is part of a massive worldwide conspiracy

to forget your birthday.

But you don’t remember their birthdays either,

so it’s all good.

You’ll probably never understand

the first thing

about what’s really going on in the world.

But neither will anyone else,

so if you act like you know what’s going on

people will believe you.

Some people won’t like you

if you say what you really think.

But that’s okay,

because those people are a bunch of worthless

dribbling halfwits who aren’t fit

to breathe the same air

as you.

An asteroid might swoop in around the sun tomorrow

and smash your new car.

That would suck.

But it would also be one hell of a story to tell.

Everything people tell you

is probably half-true at best.

But society would fall apart

if people walked around telling the truth all the time,

so that’s just as well.

The only thing worse

than waking up to your alarm clock in the morning

is not waking up to your alarm clock in the morning.