What Sue Thought

Sue thought she was smarter than Mark.
Mark thought he was smarter than Sue.
I think I'm smarter than both of them.
You think you're smarter than me.
You're absolutely right about that!

Of course, there's always the option
of opting out of the game of one-upmanship.
There are two ways:

One way is to say, "Oh, I just don't feel any need
to compare myself to other people."
(The technical term for this is "lying."
See also "irony."
See also "being a hipster.")
This is a technique for forming a clique
where the first rule of the clique
is that all members must deny the clique's existence.
(This is known as The Fight Club Phenomenon,
AKA the "Feminists Don't Have Meetings" Phenomenon.)
See also: Rosicrucianism, the International Communist Conspiracy,
journalistic objectivity, and National Public Radio.

Because the thing about claiming not to compare yourself with others
is that it's a cheap, obvious, and really kind of lazy meta-move.
It pretty much amounts to saying,
"Well, I can't win the game
according to any sustainable set of rules,
so I'll just subvert the rules
and act like that makes me a better/more enlightened person."
Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
Sort of like the nerdy kid in high school
who thinks that reading a bunch of old books
makes him somehow superior to the football player
who gets to sleep with the cheerleaders.
Or the egghead professors
who love to hate on celebrity culture.

(Or they say some silly crap like,
"Let's make scientists our celebrities..."
Scientists, my ass.
Sorry, but I'd rather see a picture of Kim Kardashian
popping up on my Facebook feed
than a picture of Bill Nye, or Stephen Hawking, or Neil DeGrasse Tyson.
So sue me.)

That's the first way of opting out.
It's dumb, and stinky, and smells bad,
and leads to totalitarianism.

The second way is much better.
It happens when you voluntarily and knowingly
choose to put yourself second.
(I think they call that love.)
This is a difficult balancing act,
because there's always this little part,
way in the back of your mind,
that wants you to go back on that choice.
But the most human thing of all
is to be able to form a resolution
and stick to it.
Because it's worth sticking to.

Sue thought she was smarter than Mark.
Mark thought he was smarter than Sue.
I think I'm smarter than both of them.
You think you're smarter than me.
You're absolutely right about that!

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(Photo credit: "Washington Redskins Cheerleader" from Keith Allison on flickr)